Yeah, I do.
It almost sounds like a disease doesn’t it? Or some sort of infection. Perhaps an infestation. Comparable to bed bugs, crabs, or rabies? Don’t get me wrong, I like cats well enough. I just like dogs better. I simply feel that there’s a special bond between cat owners. I’m not a cat owner personally, but I’ve lived with them. Everyone believes they have the craziest cat around. I’ve seen some that climb walls and turn off lights while chasing lasers. I’ve seen Laser Cats on Youtube. I’ve seen cats that hide in Christmas trees and jump out when you sit next to it. I present to you, “my” CATS.
This blog was brought to you by the inspiration of a dirty car. You’ll understand later.
Here’s something that illustrates cats are like diseases. They come with symptoms. If you live in the country and park your car outside, the symptoms will be evident. On your hood. Streaking down your windshield. All over the top of your car. Down the back window, all over the trunk, and off the back bumper. Of course I’m talking about kitty prints! These cats are notorious for leaving foot-prints all over your car, immediately upon returning home. I guess it’s because the hood of a warmed up car is more comfortable than cold cement. Can’t you guys use the little “Welcome” mat first?
This one, he’s not so much for sitting on the car. That’s where his arch nemeses park their rears. His spot is rubbing up against your face. Drooling. You heard me correctly, this cat drools like nobody’s business when he gets excited. He rubs his face into yours, can’t pick a shoulder, and covers whatever you’re wearing in the clear froth that drips from his lips. Funny thing is, his two sisters did that exact same thing! This is the cat that disappears from the farm for days at a time and my parents worry about. This is the cat we’ve named Bear. Yeah, we got CATS.
The ball is rolling, I can’t stop there. Bear is a relatively young gun, and still kickin’ it around here. This guy though, he’s long gone. You could say he’s the father of the cats we have now. He’d seen it all. Started out as the runt of a litter, we felt bad so we raised him in the house. He became the special pet, so he got the special attention when he needed part of his shoulder removed, or shots to cure him of his ailments. As his teeth fell out he was given softer food than the other cats. He chased the ladies incessantly, it was comical to watch them shoot him down. He never liked jingle bells (bells on a leather strap) or the vacuum…so my brother and I chased him around with both of them. With all this, he managed to outlive most every thing around him. Here’s to you Kitty.
The creative names don’t stop there. Next up, is our good friend Blacky. Or Blackie. I guess I’ve never seen it spelt. He was found on the side of the highway, cold and alone. Nobody claimed him, which makes sense because he was probably dumped there in the first place. He’s one of the “Big Boyz” now, and he demands attention. He’ll come with you to an extent around the farm, but once you start petting him you’d better keep it up. If your hand trails away he’ll paw your hand with claws to get you back. Then he’ll lick it clean.
His least favorite friend is Shadow. His name comes from the fact that he follows you everywhere you go. Shadow is like the honey badger, he just don’t give a (see “Honey Badger Doesn’t Give a Crap*). He rides in the wheelbarrow. He rides on a shoulder. He’s afraid for you to pet him initially, and then wants to climb up into your arms. He also photographs the best. Basically he’s just a big baby.
This is a little lady that is no longer with us. She was a character though; we all have comically fond memories of her. She was absolutely desperate for attention. At all times. If you had your back turned to her, well, you’d better just hope you had a thick shirt on. She would climb you like a tree; and those claws aren’t made of soapstone. Soapstone? Hmmm…anyways it was quite a surprise when it happened. She was also a drooler. Yes, this is Bear’s sister, Sadie.
Their other sister, the cute one, was named Mini. She was the quiet, reserved one. You see how I describe these things? Like they’re people! You know you have CATS when you’ve begun to analyze and compare their behavioral patterns. Mini’s way was the gentle way. I think she even had the softest fur of any cat I’ve known. Not to mention, she was the one that began the drooling phenomenon. It was these qualities that lead me to choose her as the subject for my favorite new sport, Kitty Tossing.
Yet another symptom of CATS is once you have them, you continue to get them. They reproduce at an astronomical rate unless you have them looked at by a doctor early. It’s a quick surgical procedure, but it insures that CATS won’t become an epidemic. That is why I cannot name the CATS in these last photos. It’s something to do with Betsy, Buttons, or Boots. I’m terrible with names and I’ve never been formally introduced.
So my advice to you, is if you think or know you suffer from CATS, do yourself a favor and visit a nearby medical professional. If it’s too late for you, please feel free to share your stories. Individual’s symptoms may vary. Good Luck!
*May contain…haha no it definitely does contain…language unsuitable for children.
For further analysis of cats and finding out what they are like in other countries, check out this post that analyzes the Street Kitty life of Lebanon’s feline population.
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